


When Days Seem Darker

by lividcolors



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Grieving, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post 1x10
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-20
Updated: 2016-12-20
Packaged: 2018-09-10 17:29:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8925988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lividcolors/pseuds/lividcolors
Summary: Set after the finalePhilip relearning how to be happy





	

Philip almost doesn’t ask. The words run through his head a thousand times, the question just on the tip of his tongue, but then they stick there, like glue, because he thinks he may already know the answer.

He tries to push it to the back of his mind, tries not to think about it, to instead just bask in the relief of knowing that the murderer is dead, that they’re safe now. But his phone sits heavy in his pocket, an unforgettable weight with a question he needs to ask, and he gives up on trying to ignore it.

“So, how did the killer have my mom’s phone?” he asks, and instantly wishes he hadn’t.

He knows the answer already, can see it written in the way Helen’s body goes stiff, how her eyes immediately search out the floor and stay there, searching for a softer way break the news. It is in the sorrow that clouds Gabe’s face, so sorry and so understanding, and in the way Philip’s heart goes cold before anyone even speaks. The air is tense with the words no one wants to say, with the words Philip can already hear.

“Philip,” Helen begins, but Philip is already shaking his head, a chorus of “No’s,” leaving his mouth without his permission.

He stands up, almost knocking his plate of pizza over in the process, and looks around. For what, he’s not exactly sure. Maybe his mom, standing there, thin as ever and a smile upon her face, ready to hug her boy and apologize for letting him think that she was gone, even for a second .

But his mom isn’t there, and Philip can feel the tears threatening to spill from his eyes, and a roaring in his ears, waves threatening to overtake him completely. He feels Helen’s arms wrap around him, pulling him to her, and he goes easily. Gabe’s hand is on his shoulder, and one of Helen’s is stroking his hair, and they’re both whispering to him, soft words that he can’t really understand.

 

“I’m sorry,” Lukas says, and Philip hates that those are the words that break them out of their peacefulness.

He knows that Lukas means only to comfort, but Philip would really rather just lay in the comfortable silence that surrounds them.

He doesn’t want to think of his mother, of her constant tired smile, of her crazy brown hair, of the lingering sickly sweet smell of cigarettes. He doesn’t want to think of how tightly she always held him, of how hard she always tried, or of how much she loved him. He doesn’t want to think about how it’s his fault she’s gone now.

So he says, “I know,” tucks himself against Lukas a bit more firmly, and hopes that’s the end of it. It’s not, of course. He can feel Lukas struggling to find words beneath him.

“Lukas, can we just lay here?” he asks, because he doesn’t feel like talking, and he doesn’t really feel like listening either. Truth be told, he doesn’t really feel like _being_ , but that’s not one he’s going to try to avoid.

He feels Lukas’s body tense, and the deep sigh he lets out tickles the top of Philip’s head. “Yeah,” he says, hugging Philip to him tighter. “Okay.”

 

“How was school today?” Helen asks.

“It was okay,” Philip answers, because it was. He’d spent the day next to Lukas, brushing fingers and shoulders, and he’d sat with him and his friends at lunch. Their thighs had pressed against one another’s tightly, and Lukas had held his hand under the table. He doubted they were being very subtle, but no one had said anything, and Lukas had seemed relaxed and happy, so he didn’t worry about it.

“Good. So, Philip,” she says, and then she and Gabe share a _look_ , before they both turn  back to him.

For a second, Philip can’t help but panic. Are they going to ask him to leave? He would understand, he knows that he’s being difficult, it’s just that he thought they were getting closer. He was beginning to feel almost like this was a real family, like maybe they actually _did_ want him here.

And he thinks maybe he was beginning to want to be here too.

“We were thinking, if you wanted, that we could turn that old closet in your room into a darkroom,” Gabe says, and _oh, that is not what he was expecting_.

Philip doesn’t expect the rush of relief he feels at the words, and he doesn’t expect the smile that comes to his lips either, but there they both are. He finds that he doesn't mind them.

“You guys don’t have to do that,” he says. Helen scoffs and rolls her eyes a bit, and Gabe just smiles at him.

“We want to,” she tells him, firm.

“This is your home now, Philip,” Gabe says, and really, Philip has no control over the warm feeling that spreads through his chest, the one that feels a bit like happiness and a lot like love.

 

The laugh sputters out of him, easy and loud, and it leaves him feeling lighter than he has in weeks.

“You could not!” he yells in disbelief, but Lukas just shakes his head and smiles.

“I totally could! It’d be easy.”

“Lukas,” Philip says, and stops, more laughter tumbling out of him, “Lukas, you could not fight off a bear.”

“Of course I could. I could do anything for you, babe,” he says, grin in place, and then he leans down to give Philip a quick kiss. “So, how about it?”

Philip shakes his head. “I don’t know. I mean, I’d have to check with Helen and Gabe, and what would we even do out there?”

“There’s a lot we could do. I don’t know, we’d just hang out I guess,” Lukas says, and then grins and wiggles his eyebrows. “We could _hang_ out.”

Philip laughs again, and it feels good, to not have to work himself up just to smile. “Sure,” he says. “I’ll have to ask, but it sounds nice.”

Lukas’s smile widens, and he starts telling Philip about what they’ll do, about how he’ll teach a _city boy_ to camp. And Philip thinks that maybe they’ll be okay, with Gabe and Helen in the kitchen, making dinner and conversation with Bo. With Lukas in front of him, happy and excited, and that warm feeling in his chest, the one that’s been making itself known more and more often.

 _Yeah_ , he thinks, _maybe they’ll be okay._

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed, I really appreciate comments and kudos! You can find me on tumblr as lividcolors.


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